I’d always said I wanted to travel, to learn from some of the masters around the world, metabolise and process their teachings and bring them all together in a powerful mastery of personal transformation so that I could inspire others to do the same. I dreamed of it. I could taste it and see it. And now all my excuses not to do it have fallen away! My daughter is nearly independent, I am officially partner free, my work has taken the most inspired turn in the last year as I have realised my growing freedom to be me through my continued thirst for personal development and growth. And my thanks to Kimberley Lovell, Orianne Corman, and Nick Williams for their inspired support and insights which have helped me on my own path.
Yikes! Hellfire. So let me just take stock. So you mean, Jen, now’s the time? Yes indeedy. Now’s the time. No more hiding out, sitting behind my computer, waiting for people to come to me. No more waiting for the right time. The right time IS now.
So my first step was to apply to a number of international therapy organisations to offer a talk about my landmark work about my Clear the Fear workshops.
I rapidly realised that the AHA were paying for nothing except my conference fees for one day. One day! No speaker fee. No accommodation provision. No travel allowance. So it had to be completely self funded if I wanted to take up this opportunity. Naturally, I dithered. And I dallied around a bit, telling myself I could talk at a conference far nearer to home if I wanted to. In fact I let it drift for a good few weeks before I decided to commit to the experience.
Committing to the experience
And even in committing, I have found that that has only just started the ball rolling. The committing has simply provided a doorway, a portal that I now need to step through to realise how else the commitment to the experience will cause me to grow and what it will bring with it. And I’m fearful. Honestly. It’s both wondrous and terrifying. You’d think I was going to my own death the way at times it feels. To have to trust the process and allow myself to ‘cross over’ into the world of spontaneity, networking and opening up to possibility is scary. I have to learn to go with the flow, stop trying to control and start really relating to people who are there to help me, if I am too.
And then, at the moment I feel the fear, and in particular in my stomach, I’m learning to take note of it. I allow it to stop me in my tracks. I look at it and ask myself just what it’s trying to tell me? what will it do to me? is there any reason I should trust it?…And when it realises it’s been seen, my whole autonomic nervous system settles down. I reach a place of calm and I realise it’s just fear. It’s just fear born of thoughts that my success depends on reaching out to people, trusting and allowing others to help me.
For a supposedly strong, independent woman that’s a scary prospect. And I am strong. In fact, strength is not the absence of weakness. It is the ability to embrace your weakness and still keep true to your dreams, allowing your heart to carry you through. At least that’s what it feels like for me right now. And I know I’m going to have to catch my fears regularly and go through this process many times as I let go of the fear and embrace the adventure.
If you can help me find accommodation, get room hire sorted, or help me on my journey I’d love to hear from you. If you would love to take part in my workshop events where I take you on a journey into your own psyche and your own heart so you can spy your own fears and transform them, fill in the sign up box above and let me keep in touch with you.by